Top Things Thursday

Mighty Morphin’ Power Rangers I know right now you’re singing the theme song in your head. We can all probably remember getting home from school, running into the house, pop in some bagel bites into the microwave and wait for Power Rangers to come on.

Then it would happen.. the Sabian logo would pop up.. and your pants got tighter. You’d grab all your action figures and sit on the couch like you were sitting in a toy factory that was ran by every super hero. You’d jump on the couch and air the electric guitar with whatever object you could grab in a 3 foot radius. “GO GO POWER RANGEERRRRSS!”

 Now.. the Power Rangers I’m talking about are the original ones.. none of this Power Ranger Lightforce Rescue Squad Zero bullshit. I’m talking about the Red, Black, Yellow, Pink, Green and Blue rangers. They’d suddenly get into trouble and they’d all get together and usually Jason (the red ranger/leader) would yell “IT’S MORPHIN’ TIME!”. Then they’d all hold up their little medallions that had their specific animal on them. Did anyone else feel like whenever you would do roll call at school that it was like you were at a Power Rangers reunion? I bet that shit happens a lot..

  Anyway.. it would go through the whole sequence of them yelling out their specific animal, but looking back at the sequence today.. if you watch carefully you can tell that they don’t have bodies in the “call out” sequence. What the hell happened to their bodies? Green screen. Green screen happened to their bodies. (refer to video). Then after their sequence, they’d appear in their Ranger outfits.. that’s a quick wardrobe change! They’d all flail around for a few seconds before all freezing in some Charlie’s Angels-type pose. Why did they do that? You’d think the Putty (the dumb enemies) would just ransack them as they were jumping up and down putting on those tights.. what are they doing while they’re changing? Watching? That’s kinda sick isn’t it? Let’s teach kids to watch people dress.

 Before this article gets any longer, I want to touch on the topic of the Power Ranger toys. I basically drained my mom’s bank account because I wanted every toy. I remember playing with the giant robots (or “Zords”) and smelling that sweet sweet plastic. They even had a bunch of video games, Box Office Movies, and were even spoofed in the Nintendo game “Super Mario RPG” (see picture). My all-time favorite Power Rangers toy was probably Saba, the white ranger’s sword that had a talking tiger on the bottom of it. First of all, the white ranger was a bad mother fucker. Second, if I can remember correctly, the other rangers had little laser guns..lame. The white ranger had no problem slicing up any bitch that got in his way. Side Note- How come sparks shot out of EVERYthing?

 A long time ago, Disney bought the rights to Power Rangers, and about a month ago, Sabian (the original company) bought the rights back from Disney.. so maybe the power rangers won't be a bunch of wusses now..